


cutting me open (then healing me fine)

by sapphicshaw



Category: Legacies (TV 2018)
Genre: F/F, Jasie, bc running away from your problems always works, we love a blonde/brunette dynamic duo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:14:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25958848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphicshaw/pseuds/sapphicshaw
Summary: Set in a world where Josie doesn't feel the responsibility to stay, and Jade offers her a way out.
Relationships: Jade & Josie Saltzman, Jade/Josie Saltzman
Comments: 6
Kudos: 71





	cutting me open (then healing me fine)

**Author's Note:**

> taylor swift, how dare you for dropping a whole-ass album. now all my thoughts are of jasie/hosie/posie fics to write with folklore song lyrics.
> 
> tw: this fic has mentions of blood and some mental health topics. nothing too intense.

It takes setting the school ablaze and almost killing her sister for Josie to realize this isn't the life she wants to be living. She wishes she had the confidence in herself to know that she'd never revert to her dark self. She wishes Hope's speech had instilled a more permanent sense of courage, but it had only served that moment in time.

Josie doubts herself and her role in whatever it is she's supposed to be doing. She doesn't want to be a part of whatever it is.

Josie is seventeen and she hasn't had a single moment where she feels that young. Per ABBA and every teen magazine, she's supposed to be the dancing queen, but she feels like Atlas, holding the world upon her shoulders and if she lets go, the sky will fold into the Earth and everything will be consumed.

She feels a presence behind her and she's shaken from her thoughts.

"Hey. You mind?"

Josie brushes the streaks of tears from her cheeks before she gestures to her side as an invitation. She feels Jade settle next to her and dangle her feet off the dock.

They sit there for a while, unmoving and silent.

There's a light breeze and Josie inhales Jade's perfume. She closes her eyes and thinks of everything they're both been through. She sees the weight of the guilt Jade carries. Josie knows this guilt intimately. She's done things she can't take back. There is hate in her heart and she doesn't understand why it won't leave now that her dark alter ego has been defeated. She can't really name it. Maybe she hates herself for allowing the darkness to take over. Maybe she hates Landon for bringing the monsters into her home. Maybe she hates her dad for everything he's done. 

All she knows is this is the most at peace she's felt in a long time. She peeks out the corner of her eye and sees Jade doing the same. They both blush and look away.

A feeling of calm settles in her stomach and she doesn't know just how much she's missed it until she looks at Jade and feels _still_.

Penelope made her feel on fire, Landon made her feel safe, but Jade? Jade is something else entirely.

Josie fidgets with her fingers, gathering enough courage to turn and face the girl she can't stop thinking about. The girl who lives with similar demons and still gets up every day with a soft smile on her face and a sparkle in her eyes.

She finally turns and bites her lip when she sees Jade tucking a lock of her blonde curls behind her ear. Jade sees Josie watching her and smiles.

A few moments later and their lips are connected and they're tugging at each other's clothes with a hunger that can only be described as _desperate_.

* * *

They don't talk about it.

When they pass each other in the hall the next day, Jade winks and Josie's stomach does summersaults.

Jade is the only person who treats her as _Josie._

She's not like Lizzie who handles her with kid gloves, afraid of hurting her with the wrong words. She's not like Hope who watches her with a frown, like trying to solve the puzzle of Josette Saltzman. She's not like the other students who cower in fear when she smiles at them, still afraid her dark side will snap their necks with a flick of her wrist.

Jade is the only person who understands her.

* * *

"People talk about running away but they never follow through. They have too many responsibilities or ties but I figured if I pack my bags and start walking away, I'll have to follow through, right?" Jade laughs lightly as she grips the straps of her bag with newfound hope in her eyes.

"You're leaving?"

"I'm not sticking around to constantly be fighting battles that are _not_ mine. I'll never make up for my sins, I know that, but I also know that if I stay here, I'll only commit more." She considers Josie for a moment before she holds out her hand. "Come with me."

Josie's brain stutters and her heart flutters as her eyes flicker to the blonde's hand and she realizes this is everything she's been needing. _A chance to get away._

She takes a moment, glancing up to Jade's eyes and back to her hand. "Where will we go?"

"Anywhere. Everywhere," Jade tells her, and Josie's made her decision long before the blonde responds.

* * *

"You're being selfish," Lizzie tells her, her bottom lip wobbling and tears threatening to fall as she stands with her arms crossed.

"I know," Josie replies softly, "I think, after everything, I get to be a little selfish."

"Josie, I can't do it without you — without _someone_ in my corner," Lizzie relents, trying to be more empathetic.

"So don't. Leave with MG." When Josie doesn't see any difference, she says what she'd known for a long time, "Or leave with Hope."

It seems to do it because the blonde falls into Josie and cries in a way she'd never seen. It's the heartwrenching sob that only comes with true heartbreak and Josie doesn't know if it's because she's leaving or if Lizzie has finally realized she's in love with a Mikaelson.

She doesn't tell her dad she's leaving. He'd been drinking more and making poor choices since Caroline left and Josie's done picking up his slack. She writes a note and leaves it at his desk.

She hugs Hope, lingering a little longer than appropriate, but Hope does the same.

She tries not to think _what if_.

What if's have no place in the real world.

She doesn't waste any time after she says goodbye. She goes straight to her room and begins packing.

Josie packs light. She could fill dozens of suitcases but she relents to packing two. She looks at the clothes and items left behind and feels nostalgic of a time before all the madness. She feels a hand on her lower back and leans back into it. Jade's perfume envelops her, as do Jade's arms. Josie's back rests against the blonde's front for a few moments, both appreciating the value of the moment.

When it was time for Josie to leave, she pauses at the door to her room, her hand resting on the wooden frame with its little scratches and dings from all the times Lizzie had slammed it.

She takes a breath in, then out.

And then she turns around and leaves.

Her sister meets her at the car, her jaw set, refusing to cry. Josie gives her sister a tight hug and whispers promises of texting and calling and face timing. When Lizzie suggests astral projection, Josie tells her she would be taking a break from magic.

"I can't lose control again," she tells her sister, the fear shining through her eyes.

As Josie swings her bags in the trunk, she watches Lizzie grab Jade's arm and whisper something to her with a demanding yet pleading expression.

After everything's loaded and they've said goodbye a thousand times over, Josie turns to Jade. "Ready?"

"Ready."

When Jade starts the car, Josie looks back, pushing away any feelings of guilt as she watches Hope place a comforting hand on Lizzie's shoulder.

Josie knows her sister will be okay.

* * *

They'd been teetering on the edge for a while now. Soft touches and stolen glances but nothing was done with it.

Josie hasn't used her magic since they left and she doesn't know if it's made her thoughts clearer or much, much _murkier_. She doesn't trust herself, or her magic, so it's not an option for her to try a spell for peace of mind.

She wants to feel just a guise of peace so after a long day of traveling, when Jade's eyes linger as Josie pulls her shirt off, about to take a shower, Josie embraces her rapidly beating heart as she steps to Jade. She throws her shirt onto the bed in their little motel room, keeping her eyes locked with the blonde's.

Jade's eyes flash darker and Josie really can't help herself as she reaches for Jade and crashes their lips together. It's messy and wild and leaves both of them trying to feel more, _trying to feel alive_.

She remembers learning about quantum theory and Schrödinger's cat — something about science and theory and philosophy. A cat is placed in a box with a radioactive particle. This particle is made up of an unstable atom. This atom has a certain measure at which it decays and thus it exists as both a decayed _and_ complete atom, so until someone opens the box, the cat is both dead and alive. It exists in a state outside of the human understanding of existence. She didn't understand the lesson when it was taught, or at least how something could be _both_ dead and alive at once, but she gets it now.

She's alive, living in the world, but she's also _not_. She had killed and burned and taunted and felt power beyond control, and then she had shattered her dark self and was expected by everyone to go back to normal. She feels unlike herself. She feels her heart beating and knows blood pumps through her veins, but she feels something missing.

As she kisses Jade, she feels some semblance of it return. To be alive is to feel and this was the first thing she'd felt good about since her return.

Jade's lips chase hers as the siphon pulls away.

Josie feels her chest tighten as she looks at the just blonde inches away from her lips. Her hands untangle from Jade's hair and move to cup her flushed cheeks. They're both breathing heavy, lips parted and swollen and Josie has never _wanted_ so badly.

* * *

Jade doesn't need to warn Josie of being a ripper in the way Josie doesn't need to warn Jade of the little voice inside her head straining to take over and go dark. They learn each other's boundaries and sit in the silence that only comes when two people truly understand each other.

They rent the cheapest rooms at the cheapest motels and Jade always asks if she should sleep on the floor before Josie pulls her to the bed with an exasperated huff. After the first few times, Jade stops asking and Josie pulls her to the bed with an eager smile.

After a night tangled between bedsheets, Josie learns that Jade's family thinks she's dead. Josie doesn't know what to say so she kisses her until they both forget.

* * *

When Jade gets too excited and her eyes darken and fangs protrude, Josie doesn't pull back. She weaves her fingers through the blonde's curls and guides Jade to her smooth skin.

Jade always asks and Josie doesn't get exasperated because she knows the significance of Jade's request. "You won't hurt me," Josie whispers, feeling the blonde's breath hot on her neck.

The blonde gently presses her lips to Josie's neck before pausing and checking if the siphon still wants her. Josie nods and Jade leans back down and sinks her fangs into her. They learn control and trust and what it feels to be at the edge of a cliff and _not_ jump. Jade learns to pull away before she goes too far and Josie learns to find pleasure with the buildup of magic, but allow the crescendo to be all-natural.

Jade pulls away and Josie grabs the blonde's hand, guiding her to the button of her jeans. Jade attaches her lips back to the brunette's neck, tasting the drops of blood left behind as she makes quick work of Josie's trousers.

This cliff, this one they both jump off of. _Many times._

* * *

They travel all over the states before they both fall in love with a little town in northern California. They decide to settle down for a few months, both having no desire to make plans. They find a little cottage near the shore for a somewhat affordable rent. To afford it, Jade takes a part-time EMT job while Josie works as a tutor to the rich families just outside of town. It's late October, a little over six months since they'd left Mystic Falls when Josie realizes she's in love with Jade.

She knows she's loved her for a while, but it isn't until Josie gets home right before Jade leaves for her first overnight shift and sees the blonde putting her curls into a bun as she's biting a peanut butter jelly sandwich between her teeth, all while trying to slide on her shoes that Josie's heart tells her head what she's feeling.

Josie closes the door softly behind her and leans against it, watching Jade struggle to multitask. The blonde knows Josie is watching, _vampire senses and all_ , and eventually she figures it out and manages to complete all three tasks without too much embarrassment. She turns to the door and rolls her eyes at the siphon. "Enjoy the show?"

Josie can't help the stupid smile on her face as she takes in Jade's white button-up uniform, _and being Jade_ , she buttoned her blouse up to her cleavage, leaving plenty of skin for Josie to drool over. The blonde has to look clean and be hygienic when she goes in, so logically Josie knows Jade has to button it up. Jade knows just how much her uniform gets the siphon going, so she purposely leaves as little to the imagination as possible when she's around Josie.

"I'm going to miss you tonight," Josie says as she enters Jade's space, her fingers adjusting the collar of the blonde's shirt.

Jade bites her lip and studies Josie with a look of affection. "I'll be back before you even realize I'm gone."

Josie hums and leans so her lips are brushing the shell of Jade's ear as she whispers, "I'll be thinking of you tonight." Josie gets her wanted reaction as the blonde connects their lips quickly and passionately, her fingers digging into Josie's waist. She groans into Jade's mouth as the girl's fangs jut out and scrape over Josie's bottom lip. Just as quickly as Jade kissed her, she pulls away, a smirk growing at the sight of Josie's flushed cheeks.

"Think about that," she teases.

Josie wants nothing more than to drag her into the bedroom and show her everything she thinks about, but she knows Jade has to get to work.

The blonde leaves after she presses a kiss to Josie's cheek and sends her a little wave on her way out.

Josie slowly accepts that she feels happy for the first time since Landon arrived and fucked everyone's lives up. Or at least as close to happy as she can be, _considering_.

She waits for the other shoe to drop. For her contentedness to be stripped from her or for Jade to decide Josie isn't _all that_ and leave her behind, or for something terribly unexpected to happen.

She tries to talk herself down from jumping to so many conclusions. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

* * *

Jade saw blood almost every day. It was in the job description for being an EMT. Being a ripper wasn't something she just got over, she was constantly working through her impulses and desires. Josie helps immensely by _not only_ allowing her to feed from her, but by trusting Jade with her life. At this point, she feels confident in her ability to see blood and react only professionally.

_Exposure therapy, right?_

(Sometimes it wasn't too difficult to ignore the desire for her patient's blood because a good majority of her calls are for heart issues and hypertension. Stressed out blood is not her favorite kind. She assumes a portion of the patients have clogged arteries so she is by no means wanting to attach her fangs to any patients with dyslipidemia.

On the flip side, she's fed off of vegans before and wasn't into the earthy taste. But to be fair, she didn't mind feeding from either, as long as someone has blood, they'll be satisfactory enough.

But _gods_ , she could never go back after tasting Josie.)

She works in a small town so most of the calls were for patients with chest pain or broken bones. She saw blood from head wounds and lacerations but never anything spurting. She manages it the best she can, healing people over hurting them. She thinks, naively, maybe she can right all her wrongs. _Maybe she can make up for all the deaths that hang over her head._

Jade knows she's making progress. She feels tempted at times, but she takes a deep breath and pictures Josie to calm down.

She owes so much to the girl.

It's why she's worrying for her. Josie isn't making progress. She's just denying her dark side, refusing to do the work to accept what she'd done. She changes the subject when Jade brings it up _or she starts kissing her feverishly._

Jade figures Josie will work on her stuff when she's ready. The last thing she wants to do is push Josie away, so she doesn't bring it up.

* * *

Josie mentions it when they're watching a random show.

"I think I'm ready to try using a little magic."

"Oh?" Jade says, trying not to overreact. She's excited for her but doesn't want to overdo it and scare Josie off of the topic.

"I'm staying away from fire and all the destructive spells. I think I'll try focusing on healing spells," she mumbles, picking at her nails.

"That sounds good, Jo," the blonde responds softly, her hand cupping Josie cheek as she leans in for a chaste kiss. "I think you're amazing," she whispers.

Josie smiles, her eyes shining. "I think you're pretty amazing too."

* * *

It's August when they return to Mystic Falls.

Josie is feeling anxious to see her family and everything she's missed. She doesn't regret leaving. She just wishes things were different.

Jade pulls the keys out of the ignition and turns to the brunette after they reach the school. She asks how Josie's feeling and the girl shrugs.

"Part of me can't wait to see and hug them."

"And the other part?"

Josie sighs and reaches for Jade's hand and interlaces their fingers. "The other part can't wait to leave this place."

"We're only here for a few days. If you want, we can take a break and leave for a few hours."

"Yeah? And where will we go?"

"Anywhere. Everywhere."

Josie grins and tugs Jade's hand to her cheek as she pulls the girl closer for a long kiss.

With Jade, Josie can go anywhere and everywhere. Even home.

**Author's Note:**

> spare a kudos? i'd love to hear your thoughts! :)
> 
> follow me on twitter! @ sapphicshaw


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